When I introduce our foster kids to people, it has been fascinating, maybe even startling, to hear what they say in the interaction. J (our boy) often gets some version of "What activities do you like?" S (our girl) often gets some version of "I like your [dress, hair, shoes, etc.]." Sometimes this is followed up by an direct or whispered "You're/She's so pretty." And she is.
S also has an incredible imagination, loves to read, is adventurous, athletic and funny. J also has striking blue eyes and winning dimples. The gendered confines of our culture have never been so obvious to me. J is constantly bombarded with messages that affirm his identity as tied up in doing. S is constantly bombarded with messages that affirm her identity tied up in how people perceive her beauty. I feel like I'm drowning in my weak attempts to swim against the current.
Thinking about these things made me wonder about how my first-time motherhood might impact kids that came to us at ages 7 and 8. It's not the typical "first-born" story. How is my refusing to let S take home women's magazines offered to her from a craft table - on feminist grounds - effect her? How does my hyper-encouragement of J's love of things other than action figures and wrestling - on feminist grounds - effect him?
When I get in the weeds of these things, I suppose the best thing is to trust that the trail of love will lead us to the best possible life together.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for visiting "The Reluctant Yes." If your comment is thoughtful and kind, expect it to appear shortly after moderation.